Was sharing a widdle embarrassing moment with Bettina on the phone yesterday.  It concerned the yummy Daddy at playgroup.

She laughed and said “Karma babe. That’s what happens when you flirt with 16 year old waiters.”

And we both had a chuckle.

But it got me musing…… as things do.

Some call it karma.

Preachers shriek ‘As ye sow, so shall ye reap.’

Justin sings ‘What goes around comes around.’

We cry for justice when we are wronged. We console ourselves with the thought ‘karma will get them.’

But if it is all about karma then when you are wronged, that is karma too, isn’t it?

Or is it?

Once again, as we try to travel our way through this tangled web called ‘life’, I don’t think there is one clear cut solution to life’s mysteries.

When Finbar died, in order to come to terms with it, I tried applying principles that I had been taught.

The first one of course was ‘God’s will.’

Yes, I believe things happen as part of God’s plan.  So let’s look at this situation shall we?

My son died by asphyxiation.  He was 11 days old. A baby.  He was fighting for life for four days in my womb where he suffered severe blood and oxygen deprivation.

Seeing as God is all loving, all good, would he will this upon an innocent baby boy?

I think not.

Yes I believe God was there through it all, but I do not believe he orchestrated everything that happened. That suggests we are his puppets and free will is a myth.

Not enough faith/Word of faith doctrine.

This one is a doozy. Our church believed in the ‘name it and claim it’ ideology.  We could pray it into being. A little similar to the little I know of ‘The secret’ It’s all about how you think.

So my son died because I did not have enough faith ??? I didn’t pray hard enough ???

So is God our puppet, waiting for us to name and claim ?

What about the fact that sometimes God says ‘No.’ Or the fact that on the day he died, I never prayed for healing, but asked God to do what he thought was best, “heal him or take him” was my prayer. Once again, should I have prayed that?

What about the idea that it was God’s mercy and grace that ‘killed’ my son. That God wanted to put an end to his pain and suffering because he is a merciful God ?? That it wasn’t about me, and the amount of faith I had or lacked? I am not God’s puppet master, pulling the strings so he can move.

I let go of this one a long time ago. I still do not understand why God heals some and not others. I do not understand why some on an altar call can receive instant healing (and I am one of them) and others need numerous operations or medical assistance.

I just believe he is there in the midst of our crisis. And that is enough for me right now.

Karma/You reap what you sow.

What did I do, or what did Finbar do that warrented his death? What did either of us do that would bring this kind of suffering to him?

NOTHING !!!! is the answer.  But I kind of shared that here.

I think sometimes Shit happens.

I think sometimes karma happens.

I think sometimes it’s God’s will.

I think sometimes it’s natural consequences to actions.

I think sometimes it just is.